Cholmondeley Featherstonhaugh

B-class article · First seen: s2 · Last seen: s3
Cholmondeley Featherstonhaugh
Featherstonhaugh
Portrait of Cholmondeley Featherstonhaugh.
Character
StatusDead
First seens2
Last seens3
PlayerChris
FactionAurelia, Pure Light, Sevryn's recruits

Cholmondeley Featherstonhaugh (s2-s3, deceased) was a Pure Light / Aurelian-aligned paladin, a human variant from Aurelia on the run for saving the child Nancy from execution, and the first player character of Chris in the campaign. His name is pronounced “Chumly Fenshaw” (neither part is spelled phonetically). He was killed by the yuan-ti woman’s bite in the Sunset is Nigh lair fight of session 3, the campaign’s first named PC death; his last words were “I hate you all.” [6], and his holy symbol was passed to Nancy at his funeral [5].

Appearance and personality

A gruff old-soldier American cadence, dad jokes, calls people “boy”, harsh with the child NPC Nancy. Half-moustache (the other half having been singed off in s3 by Caelumn). Religious-military bearing throughout.

His patter ran to one-liners and intimidations: “You goddamn elf monkeys.” [8], and, against the zombies of session 2, “Die, you Nazi bitch!” and “Hey, kraut. Booming blade. take this you nazi zombie bastard.” [9][10]. And at first introduction, by the character’s own self-description: “I’m Cholmondeley. Cholmondeley Featherstonhaugh at your service” [2].

Background

Cholmondeley was a Pure Light / Aurelian-aligned paladin [1]. The Pure Light is Aurelia’s religious doctrine; it is a separate religious system from Vhal’Zarim’s faith in Bahamut, and Cholmondeley should not be read as a Paladin of Bahamut as clean doctrine even though his player invoked Bahamut in a prayer over his body (see Death, below). He was on the run from Aurelian forces for rescuing Nancy from execution in his backstory, a detail that foreshadows the campaign’s eventual revelation of Aurelia as a primary antagonist faction. The Barovia reference at [11] is a Curse of Strahd inside-joke from a previous campaign of Chris’s; not canon.

His full canonical name is Cholmondeley Featherstonhaugh, pronounced “Chumly Fenshaw”: the joke is that Featherstonhaugh is pronounced very differently from how it’s spelled.

Build

  • Race: human (variant), with the two origin feats consumed by Magic Initiate (Druid) and Magic Initiate (Wizard). The variant-human chassis is therefore the load-bearing rules choice for the build.
  • Class: paladin, Pure Light / Aurelian-aligned. Lay on Hands, Cure Wounds, Searing Smite. The character’s player-flavour invoked Bahamut in the prayer over his body, but in-fiction Aurelia’s Pure Light and Vhal’Zarim’s Bahamut faith are separate religious systems and Cholmondeley is not “Paladin of Bahamut” in clean doctrine.
  • Magic Initiate (Druid): gives Shillelagh, used so he could attack with Charisma instead of Strength via the cane.
  • Magic Initiate (Wizard) (the second variant-human origin feat): gives Shield and Booming Blade.
  • The plan he never got to play: at level 4, he would have multiclassed into bard (1 paladin / 3 bard / College of Glamour, 2024 PHB). The combo: cast Command (flee), the target runs, opportunity attack with Booming Blade + Divine Smite as they leave the threatened space. He died at level 3.

Campaign role

Cholmondeley was at the Hollow Hall Tavern in Gloamhearth for the campaign’s opening session, when Sevryn gathered the party and gave them The Egg Quest (s1, unrecorded; s2 is the first surviving transcript). He came to it as a soldier on the run from Aurelia for rescuing Nancy from execution, with the girl in tow [12]; the ward he kept trying to leave somewhere safe runs through both of his recorded sessions.

Those sessions are the Wyrmbough Grove arc: the bark samples from the Corrupted Redwood Grove for Gwen Homora, the arrival of Harvo, the Dryad’s riddle, the rescue of Armin Whisperwind, and the descent into the lair of Sunset is Nigh, where the yuan-ti woman killed him. Sevryn sent Earthwing the Owlin to the funeral feast as his replacement, and by session 4 Terry had taken the seat.

Session by session

Session 2: The Bark, the Dryad, and the Riddle that Wasn’t a Tree

Main article: Session 2

Cholmondeley talked Nancy into minding the cart while the party went to the grove [13], and at the treeline met Harvo, who knew his Aurelian military crests on sight [14]. He persuaded the Dryad to set a riddle, argued the others round to “tree” and gave it as the final answer; the answer was bark [15][16]. In the fight that followed a natural-20 vine whip dropped him, and his death save brought him back on 1 hit point [17][18]. In town he tried to place Nancy with the merchant Sunny [19], and the next morning, having left her out in the rain all night, he lied about it and she walked out on him [20]. The session’s opening recap won a Ring of Swimming [21][22]; who received it is uncertain, as Hugo later said it was his [23][24].

Session 3: The Lair of Sunset is Nigh and the Death of Cholmondeley

Main article: Session 3

Crossing the poisoned stream, Cholmondeley slipped headfirst into the leech-filled water, and Caelumn, burning the leeches off his face, singed away half his moustache [25][26]. In the lair of Sunset is Nigh he was cracking the yuan-ti woman over the head with his glowing cane when her first bite, a natural 20, dropped him; her second cost him two failed death saves, and his own death save failed too, the DM ruling that he had tried to stabilise and broken his neck instead [27][28][29]. His last words were “I hate you all.” [6]. No one in Wyrmbough Grove could revive him [30]. His player prayed to Bahamut over the body [31], and at the funeral on the village green Nancy, who had come back to him that morning, was given his holy symbol [32][7][5].

Death

Session 3, lines 1210-1260. Killed by the yuan-ti woman’s bite during the Sunset is Nigh lair fight, not directly by the wyrmling himself. The yuan-ti woman’s double bite came first: a natural 20 for 9 piercing and 21 poison, which dropped him; her second attack, the DM said, would cost him two failed death saves [33][34][35]. On his own death save, “you tried to stabilize yourself and just break your neck instead” (“He pulled a joker”, [36][29][37]). He could not be revivified: there was no caster of the appropriate level in Wyrmbough Grove to attempt it.

Last words, spitting blood: “I hate you all.” [6].

Before the party left the lair, his player spoke a prayer over the body, and the DM awarded an inspiration for it [38]:

“Cholmondeley, even though your life was long, I hope it was filled with experiences and your life burned like the platinum flame of Bahamut. and I hope that going forward, your soul will rest in his fiery grasp.” — Cholmondeley’s player, [4]

Funeral

Held at the village green of Wyrmbough Grove. Gwen Homora placed six sprigs of mosswort in the fire (one extra for him). Selenor played the carved war-horn of the Grove Wars [7]. His holy symbol was passed to Nancy [5].

The replacement PC sent to the party by Sevryn, Earthwing the Owlin, sat down at the funeral feast at session’s end. By session 4, that replacement had already been swapped out for Terry.

Player

Chris, the user. His first PC. Voice: gruff old American paladin, dad-jokes, calls people “boy”, military bearing.

Notable quotes

“I’m Cholmondeley. Cholmondeley Featherstonhaugh at your service.” — Cholmondeley, [2]

“You goddamn elf monkeys.” — Cholmondeley, [8]

“Die, you Nazi bitch!” — Cholmondeley, [9]

“I hate you all.” — Cholmondeley, last words, [6]

See also

References

  1. ^ Session 2, line 228-240: Origin (Aurelia) self-stated.
  2. ^ Session 2, line 298: I'm Cholmondeley. Cholmondeley Featherstonhaugh at your service..
  3. ^ Session 3, line 1210-1260: Death by the yuan-ti woman's natural-20 bite and a failed death save.
  4. ^ Session 3, line 1456: Prayer to Bahamut spoken over his body in the lair after the fight.
  5. ^ Session 3, line 1984: Holy symbol passed to Nancy at the funeral.
  6. ^ Session 3, line 1260: Last words, "I hate you all.".
  7. ^ Session 3, line 1976: Selenor played the carved war-horn of the Grove Wars at the funeral.
  8. ^ Session 3, line 710: Inline citation.
  9. ^ Session 2, line 858: Inline citation.
  10. ^ Session 2, line 862: Inline citation.
  11. ^ Session 2, line 322: Inline citation.
  12. ^ Session 2, line 168: Inline citation.
  13. ^ Session 2, line 84-136: Inline citation.
  14. ^ Session 2, line 232-242: Inline citation.
  15. ^ Session 2, line 1142-1150: Inline citation.
  16. ^ Session 2, line 1228-1250: Inline citation.
  17. ^ Session 2, line 1560-1564: Inline citation.
  18. ^ Session 2, line 1630-1632: Inline citation.
  19. ^ Session 2, line 2910-2912: Inline citation.
  20. ^ Session 2, line 3290-3326: Inline citation.
  21. ^ Session 2, line 22: Inline citation.
  22. ^ Session 2, line 48: Inline citation.
  23. ^ Session 18, line 1078: Inline citation.
  24. ^ Session 18, line 1080: Inline citation.
  25. ^ Session 3, line 400: Inline citation.
  26. ^ Session 3, line 414-424: Inline citation.
  27. ^ Session 3, line 1116: Inline citation.
  28. ^ Session 3, line 1214-1218: Inline citation.
  29. ^ Session 3, line 1252: Inline citation.
  30. ^ Session 3, line 1490-1492: Inline citation.
  31. ^ Session 3, line 1452-1456: Inline citation.
  32. ^ Session 3, line 42-50: Inline citation.
  33. ^ Session 3, line 1210: Inline citation.
  34. ^ Session 3, line 1214: Inline citation.
  35. ^ Session 3, line 1218: Inline citation.
  36. ^ Session 3, line 1240: Inline citation.
  37. ^ Session 3, line 1254: Inline citation.
  38. ^ Session 3, line 1452-1458: Inline citation.