Cholmondeley Featherstonhaugh

Cholmondeley Featherstonhaugh

Chumley · Chumley Fenshaw (transcript) · Chumlee

Character

Status Dead First seen s2 Last seen s3 Player Chris Faction Aurelia, Pure Light, Sevryn's recruits

Cholmondeley Featherstonhaugh (s2-s3, deceased) was a Pure Light / Aurelian-aligned paladin, a human variant from Aurelia, and the first player character of Chris in the campaign. He was killed by the yuan-ti woman’s bite during the Sunset is Nigh lair fight (s3) - a critical double-bite attack for 9 piercing + 21 poison reduced him to dying, and he failed his own attempt to stabilise on the next turn ^[3]. His final words, delivered through the bleeding, were “I hate you all.” ^[6]. His name is pronounced “Chumly Fenshaw” - neither part is spelled phonetically - and the joke is that Featherstonhaugh is pronounced very differently from how it’s spelled, so the transcripts record dozens of variant manglings, never the canonical form. He was the campaign’s first named PC death; his holy symbol was passed at the funeral to the child NPC Nancy ^[5], and his pyre eulogy from his own player concluded “your life burned like the platinum flame of Bahamut” ^[4].

Appearance and personality

A gruff old-soldier American cadence, dad jokes, calls people “boy”, harsh with the child NPC Nancy. Half-moustache (the other half having been singed off in s3 by Caelumn). Religious-military bearing throughout.

His patter ran to one-liners and intimidations: “Goddamn elf monkeys” (s3, intimidation). And at first introduction, by the character’s own self-description: “I’m Chumley. Chumley Fenshaw at your service” ^[2] — both names being homophones of a transcription disaster, never the canonical spelling.

Background

Cholmondeley was a Pure Light / Aurelian-aligned paladin ^[1]. The Pure Light is Aurelia’s religious doctrine; it is a separate religious system from Vhal’Zarim’s faith in Bahamut, and Cholmondeley should not be read as a Paladin of Bahamut as clean doctrine even though his player invoked Bahamut at the funeral pyre (see Funeral, below). He was on the run from Aurelian forces for rescuing Nancy from execution in his backstory - a detail that foreshadows the campaign’s eventual revelation of Aurelia as a primary antagonist faction. The Barovia reference at ^[8] is a Curse of Strahd inside-joke from a previous campaign of Chris’s; not canon.

His full canonical name is Cholmondeley Featherstonhaugh, pronounced “Chumly Fenshaw” - the joke is that Featherstonhaugh is pronounced very differently from how it’s spelled. The transcript will always be the homophone, never the canonical spelling. Common manglings: Chumley, Chumlee, Chumdi, Chumly, Chomley, Chomli.

Build

• Race: human (variant), with the two origin feats consumed by Magic Initiate (Druid) and Magic Initiate (Wizard). The variant-human chassis is therefore the load-bearing rules choice for the build.
• Class: paladin, Pure Light / Aurelian-aligned. Lay on Hands, Cure Wounds, Searing Smite. The character’s player-flavour invoked Bahamut in the pyre eulogy, but in-fiction Aurelia’s Pure Light and Vhal’Zarim’s Bahamut faith are separate religious systems and Cholmondeley is not “Paladin of Bahamut” in clean doctrine.
• Magic Initiate (Druid): gives Shillelagh - used so he could attack with Charisma instead of Strength via the cane.
• Magic Initiate (Wizard) (the second variant-human origin feat): gives Shield and Booming Blade.
• The plan he never got to play: at level 4, he would have multiclassed into bard (1 paladin / 3 bard / College of Glamour, 2024 PHB). The combo: cast Command (flee), the target runs, opportunity attack with Booming Blade + Divine Smite as they leave the threatened space. He died at level 3.

Campaign role

Cholmondeley was at the Hollow Hall Tavern in Gloamhearth for the campaign’s opening session (s1, off-screen of recorded recaps; s2 is the first surviving transcript). The recorded sessions cover the Wyrmbough Grove arc: bark-sample fetch quest in the Corrupted Redwood Grove, rescue of Armin Whisperwind, the descent into Sunset is Nigh’s lair, and the death therein.

Of mechanical note: in s1 the DM rewarded Cholmondeley’s recap effort with a d100 roll of 90, granting him a Ring of Swimming — a reward that propagated forward to other PCs as a recap-incentive precedent. He did not survive long enough to use the ring in any meaningful aquatic context.

Death

Session 3, lines 905-912. Killed by the yuan-ti woman’s bite during the Sunset is Nigh lair fight - not directly by the wyrmling himself. The yuan-ti woman’s multi-attack double-bite landed: first attack a natural twenty critical for 9 piercing + 21 poison, exceeding his max HP. He stabilised, attempted to recover, and on his next turn failed the death save with a “joker” / “breaks his neck” ruling. He could not be revivified - there was no caster of the appropriate level in Wyrmbough Grove to attempt it.

Last words, spitting blood: “I hate you all.” ^[6].

Funeral

Held at the village green of Wyrmbough Grove. Gwen Homora placed six sprigs of mosswort in the fire (one extra for him). Selenor played the carved war-horn of the Grove Wars ^[7]. His holy symbol was passed to Nancy ^[5].

The eulogy, delivered by Chris in-character at the pyre:

“Chumley, even though your life was long, I hope it was filled with experiences and your life burned like the platinum flame of Bahamut. and I hope that going forward, your soul will rest in his fiery grasp.” — Cholmondeley’s player, ^[4]

The replacement PC sent to the party by Sevryn — Earthwing the Owlin — sat down at the funeral feast at session’s end. By session 4, that replacement had already been swapped out for Terry.

Player

Chris, the user. His first PC. Voice: gruff old American paladin, dad-jokes, calls people “boy”, military bearing.

Notable quotes

“I’m Chumley. Chumley Fenshaw at your service.” — Cholmondeley, ^[2]

“Goddamn elf monkeys.” — Cholmondeley, intimidation, s3

“I hate you all.” — Cholmondeley, last words, ^[6]

See also

• Bahamut
• Pure Light
• Aurelia
• Sunset is Nigh
• Wyrmbough Grove
• Nancy
• Sevryn
• Earthwing the Owlin — his immediate (briefly-played) replacement.
• Terry — his eventual replacement.
• Ring of Swimming — his recap-roll reward.

References

1. ^ Session 2, line 228-240 — Origin (Aurelia) self-stated.
2. ^ Session 2, line 298 — I'm Chumley. Chumley Fenshaw at your service..
3. ^ Session 3, line 905-912 — Death by yuan-ti woman's double-bite critical.
4. ^ Session 3, line 1026 — Funeral eulogy delivered by his player at the pyre.
5. ^ Session 3, line 1984 — Holy symbol passed to Nancy at the funeral.
6. ^ Session 3, line 1260 — Last words, "I hate you all.".
7. ^ Session 3, line 1976 — Selenor played the carved war-horn of the Grove Wars at the funeral.
8. ^ Session 2, line 322 — Inline citation.